Surgeon General Mama Lai's Warning

Mama Lai sent me this unsolicited McRib alert:

"The McRib consists of a formed ground pork patty, barbecue sauce, onions, and pickles served on a 6 inch (15.2 cm) roll. The patty is precooked, frozen and later reheated

500 calories, half of them from fat.

Ok, my family, the most is one a month.

Mama Lai"

Then Mama Lai called me and said:

"Actually, for you, you're not allowed to have any.  You have to stay away."

When Duckie Head East

My sister recently re-located to the East Coast and will be experiencing her first snowy winter.  Mama Lai informed me that the weather just turned cold:

“Wait until it really becomes winter there.  Your sister has never experienced such cold.  She’ll turn into a popsicle.  Hahaha.  She’ll be a roly-poly popsicle [from all the clothes she will have to wear].  We will hear your sister squawk about it all the way here on the West Coast."

Mama Lai chuckled and then said

“This will be very entertaining.”

On Hitting Gold

Mama Lai was relating to me the story of how she and Papa Lai first met.  I mused out loud “I wonder what Papa Lai thought when you said “yes’” when he asked you out and without hesitation Mama Lai said

“He hit gold.”

I told Mama Lai that I hope that one day I’ll find a man felt the same way about me and Mama Lai said:

“Maybe if you lost 15 pounds that would happen.” 

Mama Lai and Factors to Consider when Picking a College

Mama and Papa Lai drove me down to Southern California to move me into my dorm.  Mama Lai stepped onto my campus for the first time, looked around at the student body and said:

“This is a mistake.  You should not go to college here.”

“What? Why?”

“The girls are so pretty here.  Too much competition – how will you meet someone?”

Papa Lai: I Have a Dream...

My sister and brother returned home for a long weekend.  At  the end of the weekend, my sister treated the family to a dinner.  Mama Lai and sister noted that I had uncharacteristically not called either of them all weekend.  To my family’s surprise, Papa Lai had an opinion on this matter:

“So?  Maybe she was busy.”

They were bewildered because Papa Lai doesn’t talk on the phone with any of us.  And if he knew what was going on with any of us three ducklings it was because he eavesdrops on our conversations with Mama Lai or because Mama Lai tells him so.  This includes our dating life, school, work and birthdays.  Mama Lai suspiciously asked:

“How do you know?  Did she call??”

Papa Lai looked down and quietly said:

“Maybe…maybe she’s busy falling in love.”

And all three:  Mama Lai, little brother and sister were dumbfounded.  Speechless.

“I can dream. I just want grandchildren, ok?” 

A Proud Mama Lai

Mama Lai journeyed to Vegas and attended a mega multi-class high school reunion.  There was a banquet and each woman was asked to come up and summarize her accomplishments.  Mama Lai went to the number one all-girl’s high school in Taiwan and as her former classmates went up on stage and talked about their research papers, awards and other career accomplishments, Mama Lai got up on stage and said

“I have 3 children.  And each of them call me every day without me asking.”

Mama Lai received a standing ovation.  When she related the story to me, she said:

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.  I did not know they were going to ask us to speak.  And when I was waiting my turn I tried to think of what I was most proud of in my life.  And it’s my 3 kids.”

Mama Lai's Celebrity Crush

Mama Lai has a not-so-secret crush on Michael Weatherly of “NCIS” and “Dark Angel”.  One day, as she was browsing through the Redbox at her local supermarket, his face on screen for a movie called the “The Hitmen Diaries”.  Alas, the movie was checked out. 

“He’s so handsome.  Very cute.  Your dad doesn’t like his mischievous look, but I like.”

So since Saturday, Mama Lai has been hitting up the Redbox and other video kiosks all over town.  She’s been to three grocery stores, and the local Walmart and has been making trips to 6 kiosks every day for the last week.  She later found out you can make reservations for the movies on Redbox online.  But they need your credit card.

“I think he is very popular.  But I have to draw the line somewhere.  He’s cute, but not that cute.”

"How about renting from Blockbuster?"

“And pay $5.00?  That’s not worth it.  I can see him for free every week on TV!”