Lying Daughter

I overheard Mama Lai telling one of my friends:

"I think my daughter lies to me about the food she is eating.  I think she eats chocolate and everything she takes photos of on Facebook."

Reverse Hearing

I returned from vacation and my work colleagues commented I lost weight.  Surprised since I had a great time eating out, I relayed these comments to Mama Lai who said:

"HAHAHA.  Really?  Are you sure they are not saying opposite?"

Got you in Beijing!

I was having a gloomy day at the office when I walked to the convenience stand on the ground floor of my building where you'll find me weekly buying gum and yoghurt.  Feeling rebellious and in the need for a pick-me-up I wanted to buy some custard cakes and the sales lady says to me:

"Shouldn't eat cakes.  Will make you fat!  And then what a disappointment you would be to your mother."

And I just have to know Mama Lai, how in the world did you get to my convenience store lady!!

I walked away with some healthy yoghurt instead.  

Facebook Food Stalking

Mama Lai was Facebook stalking me and send me this e-mail:

"I saw your post in facebook. You went to have  hotpot. Are you watching what you eat everyday? Try not to ruin your weight losing goal because of food. Not saying not to have fun time with friends. Just not to eat too much, not oily, no pasta or rice.

Ok, ok....I am nagging again.
Running away really fast...."

Skinny Dumpling

Mama Lai and I were preparing dumplings and she laughed at my the shape of my dumplings:

"If only you were as skinny as the dumplings you make, we would have no problems!"

Papa Lai's Culinary Skills

Me, Papa Lai and the Little Prince all share an intense love of Nong Shim Ramyun Instant Noodles (Seafood Flavor).  Healthy, I know.  Our household has never been big on cooking, but Papa Lai has always been the most "creative" one when it comes to making up recipes and they usually involve Shim Ramyun:

"You have a final tomorrow?  You should pick up some canned tuna from Costco.  Fish makes you smart.  Do you know what it would taste good in?  Put it in with your Korean noodles"

or

"Guess what I did with yesterday's chicken curry?  I put it in with my Korean noodles for breakfast this morning.  So good!"

Frozen Desserts

When I was growing up, whenever there was a special occasion or Mama Lai felt celebratory, Mama Lai would go to the frozen desserts section from the grocery store and buy a Vienetta cake.  Then one day, tiramisu became en vogue and they stopped selling Vienetta (except at KFC) and Mama Lai fell in love with the frozen tiramisu cakes at Costco.  And all the fancy cafes and bakeries with freshly made tiramisu could not persuade her that Costco did not have the most delicious tiramisu.  But one day, Costco stopped carrying their frozen tiramisu and Mama Lai stopped eating tiramisu.

It was my birthday recently and Mama Lai thought she would treat herself to a tiramisu cake (in our family, the kids don't just celebrate, the hard working parents that brought us into this world and raised us also get to celebrate).  Mama Lai took a bite of the pretty and fresh tiramisu and said:

"Do you think if we froze this cake that it would taste as good as one that they used to have in Costco?"

Silverware Snob

I once took Mama Lai to eat at BCD Tofu House, a Korean soon tofu restaurant.  BCD Tofu House serves their rice in metal bowls and provides patrons with metal chopsticks.  Mama Lai admonishes me:

"Why did you take me a restaurant where they can't afford real silverware and chopsticks?  This is what people use to eat when they are in poverty.  This is a restaurant where I pay to eat!"

The Case of the Missing Popsicles

Mama Lai and the Little Prince share a love for red bean popsicles.  So when the Little Prince came home for the holidays from college, Mama Lai decided to buy a big box of those popsicles in anticipation of his homecoming.  After dinner his first night home Mama Lai told the Little Prince that she got them a treat and asked him to get the popsicles from the freezer.  The Little Prince returned with one popsicle and generously handed the popsicle to Mama Lai, but pleaded for a bite.

Mama Lai (laughing):   "You can go get your own.  I'm not sharing!"

The Little Prince:          "But that's the only one left!"

Mama Lai:                     "What!  I bought a whole box!  You already ate them all??"

The Little Prince:          "I just got home!  I didn't even know we had popsicles!"

Then Mama Lai thought about this logic for a bit and then sheepishly said:

"Hahahaha.  That means I must've eaten them all.  Ok, I split half."

Holidays are All about Sharing

Mama Lai knows that Duckie and I love papaya so she bought a big boxful for the holidays in anticipation of our trip home for the holidays.  While Mama Lai and I were watching television she went to go wash and cut a papaya during the commercial break. I was being a spoiled brat and flattering Mama Lai that I was so lucky to have her and all the papaya I want and a wonderful Mama Lai who would cut and serve it to me.

But Mama Lai got her revenge -- she sat down next to me and ate the papaya exaggeratedly without sharing a single bite.  I pouted and Mama Lai fairly said:

"Why not?  I drove to the store in my car, bought the papaya with my money, cut the papaya in my kitchen, in my house  -- of course I don't share.  It's my papaya.  You want to eat?  There's the kitchen and the knife.  Go cut your own my lazy girl."

Gentle as a Dove

Duckie and I related a story to Mama Lai how someone told us that if he had to choose between setting his girlfriend on fire and saving the world, he would set his girlfriend on fire.  Mama Lai said that if she were asked to make the same choice:

"I would set Papa Lai on fire for one of those Japanese mochi balls."

 Oh Papa Lai, your Mama Lai is so gentle, gentle as a dove.

Duckie feigned shocked and Mama Lai p'shawed her and said:

"Don't talk.  You would set a boyfriend on fire for a candy bar."

The Skeletons in Papa Lai's Closet

When Mama Lai got the e-mail about the possibility that her hubby, Papa Lai  was going to stand outside Home Depot schlepping for work so he can drink free Home Depot coffee, her only concern was finding out that he drank coffee:

"Now I know your daddy was drinking coffee!  I thought he never touched the stuff.  Another similar thing happened also about 7 or 8 years ago.  One day your daddy suddenly told me he needs changes [change] to get pepsi from machine at work (he was drinking pepsi everyday at work!).  I was so surprised.  Because he never asked for pepsi or soft drink at home.  Hmm, I wonder what else I do not know about your daddy..."

Oh the secrets and lies!   'fess up Papa Lai -- what other illicit beverages are you drinking?!

Surgeon General Mama Lai's Warning

Mama Lai sent me this unsolicited McRib alert:

"The McRib consists of a formed ground pork patty, barbecue sauce, onions, and pickles served on a 6 inch (15.2 cm) roll. The patty is precooked, frozen and later reheated

500 calories, half of them from fat.

Ok, my family, the most is one a month.

Mama Lai"

Then Mama Lai called me and said:

"Actually, for you, you're not allowed to have any.  You have to stay away."