Sold!

Mama Lai sometimes can't find things and her razor sharp attention becomes fully devoted on honing in on the item.  Her ducklings will watch Mama Lai whisk through one room after the next in a tornado-like frenzy and one of us will lazily ask "Whatcha looking for?"

And without missing a beat, and without regard to the sought for item, Mama Lai will always say:

"I am looking for a way to sell my children."

Phone Protocol

I called Mama Lai with some information she had been waiting for, but I caught her at a bad time and she told me she would call me back in an hour.  An hour turned into half a day then I finally called Mama Lai again.  Mama Lai took me to task for not calling her again until the end of today.  And when I pointed out that she was the one who owed me a phone call, Mama Lai said:

"And you didn't think that maybe when I didn't call you back in an hour that maybe something happened to me?  You waited hours!  I could've been lying on the road somewhere."

I pointed out that she seemed to be fine and Mama Lai confessed that the reason she doesn't call her three ducklings:

"Suppose you don't pick up your phone or were too busy to talk to me?  I don't like rejection."

 

 

Revenge by Grandchildren

It's no secret that Papa Lai wants grandchildren, but Mama Lai always staunchly denies that she pressures me or any of her ducklings to have kids:

"You guys are adults.  You make your own decisions.  If I want you to have kids, it's only because I want revenge for everything that you put me through."

Parenting at a Loss

The other day the Little Prince (my brother) made the unfortunate mistake of calling Mama Lai while she watching a TV program featuring proteges.  Without waiting to hear what the Little Prince was calling for, she grumbled:

"There is a boy who at age six sold a beautiful painting for $265,000.  Where did I go wrong??"

The Little Prince ignored Mama Lai and complained that he was hungry and had nothing to eat.  When I called Mama Lai, she was quite agitated over the Little Prince's lack in concern and sighed:

"I've parented three children...I'm parenting at a loss of $265,000 per child!" 

The Meaning of Life

Mama Lai had a philosophical moment the other week and wanted to talk about the meaning of life:

"If you think about it, our human lives are really stupid.  So you have to decide for yourself what gives your life meaning.  That's what growing up is about."

Then I asked Mama Lai what gave her life meaning and she replied without hesitation:

"I live my life for my three kids."

And then she paused and laughed:

"See, I told you our human lives are really stupid." 

Be All That You Can Be

Mama Lai was pretty fascinated with all the hoopla surrounding Amy Chua's article in the Wall Street Journal and her book.  It made her question her own parenting techniques and how it may how adversely affected how I turned out:

"I think maybe if I was harder on you or expected more from you, you could've turned out differently.  You could've achieved so much-- you had so much potential.  Maybe you would have PhD, be a professor, stayed with law.  You could've been...a diplomat's wife."

On the WSJ article "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior"

Mama Lai was really excited when Duckie e-mailed her the WSJ article: "Why Chinese Mothers are Superior" but her excitement turned into grief because she was not nearly as extreme a Chinese mother was described in the article.  She admired Amy Chua's clear writing and her approach to motherhood.  But Mama Lai lamented that she failed her three ducklings in this regard:

"I was not an American mother.  But I was not a Chinese mother either.  I was a middle of the two, confused mother.  You know I'm very good at taking classes, but they don't have classes on being a mother.  I looked at my own parents and their coldness and conservatism and I did not want to be like them.  But I look at American mother and  think it's cool, but not right.  You have kids and there are no guidebooks, but I'm ok with how you three turned out.  Could have been worse, but could have been better."

Fight! Fight!

Before I returned home for the holidays, Mama Lai was complaining to me about how life gets really boring when you get old.  She was really excited that her three ducklings would be home to spice things up.

Due to space restrictions and a scarcity of beds, it was assumed that my sister, Duckie, would get to sleep in her very comfortable and fairly new bed with a memory foam mattress which was being stored in one of Mama Lai's bedrooms.  My brother, the Little Prince, would be relegated to the couch in the living room.  The Little Prince arrived home earlier than Duckie and had a chance to sleep in her bed for a few days before she made claim to it and declared to Mama Lai that Duckie's bed "may be worth a fight."

Mama Lai got really excited, did a Mama Lai "fist pump" and squealed:

"Yes! Yes!  Definitely worth a fight!  I want to see you try to fight your sister for the bed. That's Round 1.  Round 2, my two daughters!  That would be really interesting.  Life always has more action when my three kids are home.  Fight! Fight!"

Just Desserts

When I was still in the single digits range in age, Mama Lai would sometimes take me and my siblings to the local supermarket to grocery shop.  Our first stop would always be the bakery section and she'd have us stand in a row in front of the display cases and take us through a visualization process:

"See all those pretty desserts?  Take it all in and now pretend that you have it in your mouth and you can taste it..."

And then she would guide us out of the bakery section without having put a single item in our basket:

"Good!  Now are well all full?  See, delicious and no calories.  Now we go grocery shopping!"

The Single Life

Papa Lai went out of town and Mama Lai sent her three ducklings any e-mail:

Subject:  Yey!!!

Ok, your daddy is out of town for one week.  So, your mother is officially starting single life NOW!

But what I suppose to do?

Ideas?

Papa Lai Bewitched

This story provides support to Mama Lai's allegation that Papa Lai believed he "hit gold" when he met Mama Lai.

Papa Lai is now retired.  With all the free time he had on his hands, he decided that he was going to pick out animal avatars for his family.  My sister was easy -- she could be a duck, I would be a penguin.  My brother could be either a frog or dolphin and Papa Lai was "obviously" a turtle.  But he couldn't quite figure out what Mama Lai's avatar should be and turned to his three ducklings for help:

"What should your mother be?"

Duckie, was the first to answer, demonstrating without a doubt that she is Mama Lai's spawn stating, without reservation:

"She should be a teradactyl...or a sabre tooth tiger." 

Papa Lai was almost indignant:

"No, no.  You mother is so gentle...like a dove."

A Proud Mama Lai

Mama Lai journeyed to Vegas and attended a mega multi-class high school reunion.  There was a banquet and each woman was asked to come up and summarize her accomplishments.  Mama Lai went to the number one all-girl’s high school in Taiwan and as her former classmates went up on stage and talked about their research papers, awards and other career accomplishments, Mama Lai got up on stage and said

“I have 3 children.  And each of them call me every day without me asking.”

Mama Lai received a standing ovation.  When she related the story to me, she said:

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.  I did not know they were going to ask us to speak.  And when I was waiting my turn I tried to think of what I was most proud of in my life.  And it’s my 3 kids.”