Papa Lai is Fashion Police

Mama and Papa Lai came to visit me.  During dinner the two started a discussion on why I was not married.  Mama Lai insisted it was because I was too heavy.  Papa Lai disagreed and claimed I looked fine just the way I was and just when I was about to give him a hug for defending my honor he added:

"Her problem is not her weight.  It's how she dresses.  She wears clothes like a middle aged woman who works at Wal-Mart."

Papa Lai motioned for me to stand in front of him.  He stroked his chin and looked me over:

"I recommend that when you make a little more money that you hire a fashion consultant." 

matchsocks.com

For some reason, I'm really good at losing socks when I do laundry and I have a bag filled with socks with an un-located partner.  Mama Lai was sitting on the floor of my bedroom sorting these socks and said:

"When I look at these socks it makes me think that they are just like my daughter.  A perfectly good sock, that still has its shape and still has some quality, but still single.  You need match.com and these socks need matchsocks.com."

Girlfriend Competition

Papa Lai finally convinced Mama Lai to get a GPS and it's his new favorite toy.  Papa Lai carries it around and likes to play with it even when he's in the house.  As we heard the female GPS voice float through the house, Mama Lai rolled her eyes:

"It's his new girlfriend.  Always carrying it around and obsessed with keeping it charged.  Sick of hearing it talk.  How do I compete?"

I comforted her "He'll get tired of her.  GPS girlfriend has nothing on you!"  Mama Lai shook her head and sighed:

"Her English is better than mine."

Red Lipstick Hussy

Mama Lai came across a photo of me sporting red lipstick and Mama Lai clearly disapproved:

"Do you now own red lipstick?  I see from your pictures you are wearing red lipstick.  And I'm not saying you look bad, but when you wear less flashy colors and have make up on you look like you can be an ambassador's wife, but with the red, you don't look like the marrying kind."

Silverware Snob

I once took Mama Lai to eat at BCD Tofu House, a Korean soon tofu restaurant.  BCD Tofu House serves their rice in metal bowls and provides patrons with metal chopsticks.  Mama Lai admonishes me:

"Why did you take me a restaurant where they can't afford real silverware and chopsticks?  This is what people use to eat when they are in poverty.  This is a restaurant where I pay to eat!"

Papa Lai and Gangsters

Papa Lai had sent me an e-mail about the UCLA girl criticizing Asians so I sent him this video thinking he'd be entertained.  Papa Lai watched it and sent me this reply:

"He's too gangster for me."

No ID Necessary

Mama Lai called Duckie (my younger sister) as she was dashing back to her apartment to grab her ID before a night out with friends.  Confused Mama Lai asked:

"Why you need ID?  Are you going to do something....X-rated?"