When Papa Lai Misses Mama Lai

Papa Lai is the storyteller in the family.  I always think our imaginative side and our love of stuffed animals was inherited from Papa Lai.  While Mama Lai is out of the country (leaving Papa Lai behind), Papa Lai sent us the following photo with this caption:

"Mommers Missing:  I think a bear ate her.  I am going to the FBI to give them a pic of the suspect."

A Brief History in Low-Rider Pants

As we were making our way through a subway tunnel in Beijing, Mama Lai spotted a young Chinese man who wore his pants very low.  Mama Lai turned to me and pointed at him:

"Is that what they call a 'low-ride'?"

Chuckling, I nodded yes.

"Do you know what the history of a low-ride pants is?"

Thinking she was asking this question in earnest, I volunteered to help her look it up when we got back home if she was really that curious.

"Oh!!  You don't know???  Well, I know.  Let me tell you."

Mama Lai gleefully related to me her knowledge of "low-rider" pants, which she had garnered from reading an online article "written by a black man" (so of course on such topics, this is an important indicator of reliability).

"...in prison when you wear your pants low it means you're the submissive one."

I was practically choking with laughter and I must've given Mama Lai a look because she announced:

"and yes I know what submissive means in prison!" 

 

 

 

I'm a Survivor

Mama Lai took some time out of her busy retirement schedule to visit me all the way in Beijing.  After a fun day of eating and shopping I remarked that maybe she should thinking about just staying with me in Beijing.  Looking up and thinking for a minute she thoughtfully said:

"I would give it two months, tops.  Then one of us would have to die."

She walked out of the room without another word.  Then a minute later, she walked back in and said:

"Yeah and I want to live.  I've got sixty years of survival on you so you'd have to watch your back." 

Ducke's No Children Money Making Scheme

Papa Lai was remarking to Duckie that some of his fellow senior citizen friends would take the summer off from their part-time work so they can spend quality time with and baby-sit their grandchildren when they were off from school.  Papa Lai bitterly said:

"Guess what I don't get to do this summer?  I don't get to play with my grandchildren.  Whose fault is that?"

Duckie quickly admitted her fault:

"Yes, that's right.  It's my fault.  But look at it this way:  since I don't have any kids, you don't have to baby-sit.  And since you don't have to baby-sit then you get to work and make money.  Actually, you should thank me for all the extra money you'll be making this summer.  And you should thank me by giving me a commission for allowing you to make all of that money."

Vacation Away from Papa Lai

Papa Lai went on a business trip and Mama Lai was left at home alone.  Mama Lai rejoiced:

"The best part about [Papa Lai] being gone is that I get a vacation!  I get a vacation from Fox News and redneck shows."

Bad food is good!

I was headed to the UK for work and Mama Lai expressed some anxiety about my travel schedule.  But perhaps realizing that her anxiety was causing me anxiety, she said:

"I think it is too tiring for you to go on this trip, but on the bright side, everyone says that the food is terrible in London so you will lose weight!"

And in one stroke of Mama Lai logic, she was very happy that I was going on this trip.  

Call Me Maybe?

Papa Lai really hates the music his ducklings listen to.  Growing up, the music that filled our home was Anne Murray, country music and talk radio.  But one pop artist managed to crack Papa Lai's no-pop zone when he send this to text to Duckie:

"This is my new number...so Call Me Maybe?"

May the Force be With Your Butt

Mama Lai took me to see Star Wars when I was young so when I had a chance to make a purchase at the store at ILM (Industrial Light & Magic), I thought it would be fun to get her some Darth Vader slippers. 

When I handed them to her, she looked at Darth Vader's face and said:

"Why are you giving me someone's butt to wear on my feet?"

 After reviving myself from my fit of laughter, I explained to Mama Lai that these were Darth Vader slippers.  Mama Lai said:

"I never realized it, but Darth Vader looks like someone's butt."

Definition of a Good Writer

I arranged a dinner for Papa Lai and his favorite writer, Kamran Pasha ("Shadow of the Swords"; "Mother of the Believers") during our visit to Southern California.  Papa Lai and Kamran engaged in a lively religious/historical discussion and Mama Lai listened to their discourse wide-eyed.  Mama Lai has been hearing Papa Lai gush about Kamran's writing for months.

When we get back to the car, Mama Lai turns to me and says

"Wow, he is really an impressive person. You know...he's a really great writer.  His book has so many words and no pictures."

Papa Lai Invents

Papa Lai invented this.  Can you guess what it is? 

Chopped Liver

I was telling Mama Lai about a friend who is in town who whilst getting his PhD is also closing million dollar deals.  Mama Lai cackled:

"Well, now I know you're chopped liver."

Joys of Having Children

I've been swearing to Mama Lai that my biological clock is ticking and joked to Mama Lai that maybe I should reboot my career and become a surrogate.  Garnering her experience from churning out three of her own, Mama Lai laughed:

"You silly girl.  Pregnancy is the most miserable part of having children!  The best part is...."

And then Mama Lai's smile disappeared and she thought, and she thought, and she thought.   A minute later she said:

"Actually I don't know what joy there is." 

Papa Lai and Mama Lai Competition

Mama Lai is traveling in Asia without Papa Lai.  Papa Lai has been sending me cute e-mails on how to take care of his wife, but even in the midst of the TLC there's always some room for some healthy, old people competition:

"[Mama Lai] is not good at falling, unlike me, so help her over stairs and curbs, especially when there's ice and snow."

Postcard Picking

Mama Lai and Duckie took a weekend getaway at a seaside town.  Duckie wanted to buy a postcard for her friend who lived on the other side of the country so they popped into a bookstore.  Mama Lai browsed through the pretty postcards of the ocean and beaches.  Bypassing the postcards of cute otters frolicking and adorable sea lions, Mama Lai honed in on one that looks like this:

"Oh!  This one!  This one is Nice!"

Trojan Gifts

I received a gift at work that included fashionable accessories.  Mama Lai scolded me:

"They probably think you're not fashionable enough for your job.  You work in entertainment.  Americans are not very direct.  They are telling you that you need to dress better!"

First Things First

Mama Lai hasn't seen me for over nine months.  Mama Lai greeted me return home with:

"Well?  Did you meet a man?"

Dirty, Dirty

I shared this YouTube video with Mama Lai because I thought it was cute.

This is Mama Lai's take away:

"Hahahaha...A dirty little boy...and many years later he will become a DIRTY OLD MAN!!!!!!"

Special 30th

Before Duckie's 30th birthday, Mama Lai generously offered Duckie to send her a special gift:

"Think carefully what you want.  30th is an important birthday.  And your next important birthday, your 40th...who knows whether me and [Papa Lai] will be around.  Get something while you can."

What's My Flavor?

I told Mama Lai I met a cute boy and Mama Lai attacked with:

"Well?  What are you going to do about it?  What's your plan?"

It was clear to both Mama Lai and me that I didn't really have a plan.  I thought I was merely sharing an observation.

"You have to be more aggressive!  This stuff takes work!!  You are too passive.  You are too middle of the road.  Sometimes, you have to be a flavor!!"

City Without Yuppies

Duckie went on a recent trip to Europe for vacation and is keeping the worry monster in Mama Lai and Papa Lai at bay by sending us daily accounts of her observations in her travels.  Mama Lai's reaction to Duckie's account of Warsaw:

"If you don't go there in person I would picture Warsaw is like New York without yuppies."