Lying Daughter

I overheard Mama Lai telling one of my friends:

"I think my daughter lies to me about the food she is eating.  I think she eats chocolate and everything she takes photos of on Facebook."

Emoticon Fail

Duckie and Mama Lai were exchanging text messages:

Duckie:       hi.  maybe i should get u and daddy a hotel in the easy bay

Mama Lai:   no, we prefer  our own bed.  but, love you for your consideration!  i cant make the smiling face

No Sense Killings

Mama Lai loves to watch television.  For the mid-season line-up, she's especially excited about "Alcatraz" and "Smash".  While we were video chatting she interrupted me to leave to watch TV:

"I saw the pilot of Alcatraz, yeah.  And now in five minutes, I see the number 2.  So basically every episode some people have to die.  You know me.  I like those shows where there are no-sense  killings.  Yeah."

My Daughter is Awesome!

Mama Lai was on Facebook and saw that one of my friends had posted the following comment to one of my status updates:

Mama Lai called to say she wanted to post an answer to my friend Roxx X'ster's question, but didn't know how to.  This is what Mama Lai wanted to say:

"Yah!!  Of course my daughter is awesome!  She's awesome because she is MY daughter!"

Brand of Justice

Mama Lai saw that I posted this YouTube Video on my Facebook:

Mama Lai said:

"That is so annoying what he is doing.  He should go to jail." 

US Open

Mama Lai walked into the room while the Little Prince was watching the US Open.

"What?  Who is that person with the weird hair?"

The Little Prince, without looking up from the the screen, replied:  "That's Djokovic.  He's the No. 1 seed at the US Open".

"Well, he's on TV and he should do something about that weird hair." 

On the Financial Crisis

Mama Lai has been tracking the market with great anxiety.  Mama Lai remarked that nowadays when one country's economy sinks it affects all countries:

"I used to really like that Olympic theme song 'One World, One Dream', but now that song sounds like 'one nightmare'."

"Good for Wendi"

Mama Lai said she would do the same thing for Papa Lai that Wendi did for her husband Rupert Murdoch if someone tried to throw a shaving cream pie at him:

"Good for her!  Why a wife should stand there and see somebody throw a pie at her husband.  If I had a chance, I would do the same!  Go see the video, you must say that Wendi is really quick!"

The Power of Tom Selleck

I recently interrupted Mama Lai while she was watching "Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost".  Mama Lai complained:

"It's so slow.  Sometimes boring.  And it's all very depressing..."

As Mama Lai got deep into her complaining, I suggested that she watch something else.

"No.  I have to watch.  He's Tom Selleck.  He is...Magnum P.I." 

 

Terrorists' Gift to TV

Mama Lai loves to watch television shows like NCIS, CSI, and LAW & ORDER.  After watching an evening of these TV shows with storylines about terrorism, Mama Lai said:

"Well if there was a good thing to come out of terrorism it would be that it gave a group of mean looking and unattractive actors jobs in Hollywood."

"The Voice"

Mama Lai loves singing competition shows on television and made herself available to tune-in to the newest show this season, "The Voice".  As she watched the contestants take their turns in stage, she scoffed:

"These people talk about how it's their big shot and then they get on stage dressed like they just walked out of their house.  You would think they would go, spend a little money and put on something nice.  Even I know better."

Archie Kao

Mama Lai is a big fan of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and an especially big fan of the actor, Archie Kao (who plays a character named Archie Johnson in the series).  I made the mistake of mentioning to Mama Lai that my boss was friends with Archie and when my birthday rolled around Mama Lai said that I should "request Archie Kao" for my birthday and get a photo taken with him.  When I refused to make the ask, Mama Lai huffed:

"Your birthday should be my celebration too.  You had it easy when you were born -- I did all the work!  You have been in LA for years and you have not taken photos with any famous people.  Archie is very handsome and I would like to see you in a photo with him."

Papa Lai and Gangsters

Papa Lai had sent me an e-mail about the UCLA girl criticizing Asians so I sent him this video thinking he'd be entertained.  Papa Lai watched it and sent me this reply:

"He's too gangster for me."

Taken Seriously

After I had lasik surgery and finally could stop wearing contacts and glasses, Mama Lai indicated to me that out of all my Facebook profile pictures, she liked the one of me wearing glasses the most:

"I just don't think anyone can take you seriously without glasses on.  With glasses, you look like you think about things.  Someone who has important thoughts.  Maybe people would mistake you for being a professor."

I joked that now that I have near perfect vision, I'll never be taken seriously again.  Mama Lai wouldn't have it:

"I found your old frames and I'm going to send them to you and you're going to find someone to put in fake lenses.  You can't go through life always being silly." 

The Fonz

When I was in elementary school, I watched a lot of television.  One of my favorite shows was "Happy Days" and I developed a crush on Henry Wrinkler's character "The Fonz".  One night, I dreamt that The Fonz whisked me away on his ultra-cool motorcycle and gave me a peck on my lips at sunset.  Wracked with Christian guilt, I ran to Mama Lai's room in tears.

Mama Lai, groggy from sleep, listened to my teary confession and laughed:

"You woke me up for this?  Go back to sleep.  He's too old for you."

Get a Life!

When the site My Mom is a Fob launched, I forwarded it to Mama Lai thinking she would get a kick out of it.  Mama Lai was less than thrilled with such a site:

"People read this site?  This is kind of a racism?  I am American mom, I don't want people thinking I'm funny because I'm a fob!  Really, you guys think it's funny because there is a misunderstanding between generations and culture."

I thought maybe Mama Lai didn't get the gist of the site and was taking it too seriously so I sent her some specific links to some anecdotes that she would find funny, but she refused:

"I have a life you know?  I don't have time for this.  Maybe you should think about getting a life too!" 

Facebook Stalker

One of Mama Lai's proudest achievements is that her three ducklings call her without asking.  I tend to be the most delinquent of the three, skipping a day here or there each month.  Mama Lai never, ever calls me even when I leave a message for her to call me back.  But sometimes when she hasn't heard from me for a day, curiosity gets the best of her:

"So I sign into Facebook to see what you're up to and see if you're still alive."

The Tale of Two TVs

Two years ago, Mama Lai and Papa Lai made what they considered a luxury purchase for themselves:  a 42-inch flat panel television.  They were so excited for the big ticket item, they didn't realize the television came with a blu-ray player and recently unearthed it, two years later, in a cabinet. With all three ducklings out the house, Mama Lai was both very proud and excited to figure out, on her own, how to connect the blu-ray player to their TV.

But Mama Lai found out her "stupid" blu-ray player couldn't play DVDs and consequently could no watch her favorite Chinese soap dramas and TV shows.  Not knowing that she could connect more than one machine to her TV, and not to be undone, she came up with her own solution to this problem:

"So...we moved [Duckie's] big flat screen television out of storage and cleared a place in front of the fireplace.  Then we hooked up our DVD player to Duckie's TV."

So now that Mama Lai and Papa Lai have two forty-two inch televisions squeezed into their family room  and they can watch blu-ray movies and television shows on one, and DVDs on the other, they still are confronted with this problem:

"Why can't Duckie's TV play DVDs in color?"

Superbowl Highlights

Mama Lai loves the Superbowl more than any holiday and this year was no exception.  These were the highlights for Mama Lai's 2011 Superbowl:

Her favorite Superbowl Ad:

Her favorite Superbowl Player:

He's not Mama Lai's favorite (Tebow), but for this game it was Aaron Rodgers:

"He's from Chico!  And he went to community college before Berkeley?  Didn't I tell you [her eldest daughter] to go to community college so you could transfer into Berkeley?"

Worst Superbowl Moment:

"What was that half-time show about?  Who were those people?  I think Bridgestone should get their money back." 

Mama Lai's Random Comment About the Packers after she found out the Packers were from Greenbay, Wisconsin:

"It's very expensive to have a football team.  I wonder how that small town can afford to have a football team.  You know what they do in Wisconsin?  They drink beer, eat cheese.  Oh and I think they also like to eat meat a lot too."

Mama Lai on Oprah and the Thirty Year Old Virgins

My mom is one of Oprah’s may devoted viewers.  She called me one day very exasperated about a recent show, very appalled that there were two women around the age of thirty who were guests because they were virgins. 

“They even brought on a sex therapist.  What is wrong with this country that you can be guest on Oprah because you don’t have sex.  Gee, so stupid.  They virgins because there is no one to have sex with.  They don't need doctor."