Papa Lai should be Grandpapa Lai

Papa Lai took a morning stroll outside my apartment building and ran into a mother and a cute toddler.  The mother, in Chinese, told her little one to wave shake hands with her "grandfather neighbor" and Papa Lai returned to my place grumpy:

"I was just 'Uncle'!  When did I become a grandfather???"

And then he pouted at me:

"Already called grandfather and you haven't given me any grandkids!" 

Beijing Cabbies and Youthful Beauty

Papa Lai had heard some of my stories about Beijing cab drivers and tried to obtain some of the stories and insights while he was visiting China's bustling capital.  But he and Mama Lai were not able to achieve some of my more interesting results and Mama Lai said:

"Of course [Papa Lai] we are not as good to look at as our daughter.  They look at the rearview mirror and see old face.  Old face so ugly.  Young pretty face, anything sounds good.  Old face says something and it sounds boring."

Sleeping Companion

Mama Lai and Papa Lai went to visit a friend who lived out-of-state.  And in the guest bedroom, there was a computer which they could use to go online.  Mama Lai said:

"Papa Lai was so happy to have a bed in the computer room!  I think I will buy him a laptop computer so he can always have one with him."

Papa Lai Says "Happy Birthday"?

I was video chatting with Papa Lai and he said excitedly:

"Guess whose birthday it is this week??!"

And thinking Papa Lai had something interesting planned for Duckie's birthday, I said:  "Duckie!!  What do you have planned?"

Papa Lai paused with a look of confusion:

"Riiiiiight.  Yes it's her birthday too, but it's also someone else's birthday....it's Martina's [Mcbride]'s birthday this week too!!" 

[For non-Martina McBride fans, Martina's birthday is July 29th].

Papa Lai's Culinary Skills

Me, Papa Lai and the Little Prince all share an intense love of Nong Shim Ramyun Instant Noodles (Seafood Flavor).  Healthy, I know.  Our household has never been big on cooking, but Papa Lai has always been the most "creative" one when it comes to making up recipes and they usually involve Shim Ramyun:

"You have a final tomorrow?  You should pick up some canned tuna from Costco.  Fish makes you smart.  Do you know what it would taste good in?  Put it in with your Korean noodles"

or

"Guess what I did with yesterday's chicken curry?  I put it in with my Korean noodles for breakfast this morning.  So good!"

Men Don't Want Giants

I'm taller than Papa Lai by nearly four inches.  And like Mama Lai, he is not a fan of my collection of high heel shoes:

"You're not exactly a tiny girl.  When you wear shoes like that, you may not be taller than guys, but you will make it feel like you tower over them.  Men want girls, not giants."

Day of Birth

On my birthday, Mama Lai likes to call and text message me starting the night before to tell me where she was at in labor and remind me of the pain I put her through.  Just as we were reaching the hour I was born, I asked Mama Lai and Papa Lai what their first thoughts were when I finally popped out.  Papa Lai said:

"That I could finally eat.  I was starving."

Conception

On my birthday, I was in the car with Mama Lai and Papa Lai, running errands, when Papa Lai turned to me, grinned and asked:

"Daughter...would you like us to show you where you were conceived?"

"Ewww, no." I said, disgusted and then Mama Lai chimed in, laughing:

 "Yeah, you are old enough to know where babies come from.  We don't have to have a conversation about the birds and the bees with you, do we?"

The two howled in laughter at their own joke.  And I cannot believe that after three decades of life, Mama Lai and Papa Lai still know how to make me feel humiliated even when no one else is around!

Happiest Place on Earth

When Duckie was three years old and I was nearly six, Mama Lai and Papa Lai took us on a trip to Disneyland Resorts in Anaheim, CA.  That was a memorable trip for both me and Duckie, but when Mama Lai recalls that family vacation, this is what she remembers:

"Yah, we spent so much money bringing whole family to Disneyland.  Then on our way out of Disneyland we stop by McDonald's and you and your sister were even happier at the playground at McDonald's.  So excited, in a better mood!  We even took picture because everyone was so happy.  We stayed at McDonald's for over 2 hours.  Why we drive so far?  We have McDonald's down the street from us!"

Papa Lai's Joke

On a family hiking trip, we came upon the topic of reincarnation and Papa Lai wanted to share a joke about reincarnation with me.  Papa Lai said there was an old married couple who was having the same discussion about what they wanted to be reincarnated as:

The old husband told his wife "I don't care what I come back as, I just want to be able to have sex all the time."  The wife rolled her eyes.

Then one day the husband passed away, leaving his wife a widow.  Then one day, the husband came back to his wife in the middle of the night as a ghost.  "Death is not so bad."  Rubbing it in, he told her "I've been reincarnated and now I get to have sex all the time.  I have sex when I wake up in the morning.  I have sex after breakfast.  Then I eat lunch and then have sex all afternoon."

I tried to ignore the quizzical and judgmental looks of some middle aged woman who passed us on the trail who no doubt was listening to our very bizarre conversation.

And the husband told the wife that he came back to this world in a zoo.  He back as a...

Then Papa Lai started chuckling and asked me if I could guess.  I couldn't guess and he said:

He came back as a rabbit!!  Hahaha.  This joke is so funny.  You should tell all your friends.

So, friends, that was the joke Papa Lai asked me to share with all of you.  

Papa Lai likes Quack

Papa Lai sent Duckie (my sister) and me a photo of a cute little stuffed animal duck that he bought in a gift store.  Papa Lai told us that he was gifting the adorable duck to my cousin's 10 year old daughter.  Duckie called me to rant that Papa Lai did not consider gifting her the duck since she's famously known for loving all things duck.

Papa Lai found out that Duckie was upset, and he winked at me and asked with a gleeful grin:

"How mad did I make her?  How loud did she quack?"

Girlfriend Competition

Papa Lai finally convinced Mama Lai to get a GPS and it's his new favorite toy.  Papa Lai carries it around and likes to play with it even when he's in the house.  As we heard the female GPS voice float through the house, Mama Lai rolled her eyes:

"It's his new girlfriend.  Always carrying it around and obsessed with keeping it charged.  Sick of hearing it talk.  How do I compete?"

I comforted her "He'll get tired of her.  GPS girlfriend has nothing on you!"  Mama Lai shook her head and sighed:

"Her English is better than mine."

Communicating with Papa Lai

The other day, I called Mama Lai's mobile phone and Papa Lai picked up.  Papa Lai enthusiastically said:

"Talk to me!"

So I started in on my day and he quickly became bored and interrupted:

"Actually, why don't you talk to your mother.  I will get the summary from her later.  Or, why don't you e-mail me?" 

Papa Lai Wants to Adopt

Papa Lai sent his ducklings this video of a laughing baby:

"This baby is so cute. I want to adopt him.  His laugh chases away all the dark clouds and gloom."

And Duckie responded:

"I laugh, isn't that enough?" 

Saving Money

My cousin who immigrated from China sought Papa Lai's advice on some ways to save money.  To Mama Lai's horror, she overheard Papa Lai telling my cousin how he saves money on dental floss:

"You can use dental floss more than once by washing it and then hanging it to dry on the towel rack."

Papa Lai and the Mama Lai Blog

Papa Lai and Mama Lai had a dispute at the grocery store over how much food they should buy for a  dinner they were hosting.  Mama Lai sent her ducklings an e-mail about the dispute and Papa Lai launched his own campaign:

"I think we should post this on Mama Lai Says!"

Lol.  Papa Lai, this blog is not a forum for your domestic squabbles.  :)

Make-up Lessons from Papa Lai

I was getting ready to go out with some friends and putting on some lip gloss when Papa Lai stood very close to me and peered into my face and chuckled:

"What are you doing?  It looks like a dog slobbered all over your mouth."

Papa Lai and more Martina

Papa Lai misses his Duckie so when he intercepted a call and found out that Duckie may have an upcoming reunion. He tried to tantalize her into coming home with this:

"We can hit some good restaurants, eat roast duck, and listen to Martina.  Maybe throw in Elmo.  Aren't they cute together?"

English Only

Papa Lai likes to complain that his brood doesn't speak Chinese well enough (and in the Little Prince's case, hardly at all).  Being the brassy, disobedient Chinese American daughter that I am, I counter his criticism with my own: he never spoke Chinese to us growing up so it's really his fault.

Even now, as I actively seek to improve my language skills, I speak Chinese to Papa Lai and he replies to me in English.  Papa Lai's defense:

"I'm old ok?  Old habits are hard to break and you can't teach an old man new tricks."

Family Vacation

Now that all three of Mama Lai's ducklings are adults, it's been harder for us to get together to have a proper family vacation.  Mama Lai was brainstorming with me and Duckie on exotic locations like China or Taiwan or Thailand when Papa Lai piped up:

"How about Kansas?"

The room went silent.  Why Kansas?

And Papa Lai sheepishly said:

"I heard that Martina has a ranch there."

Well burst out in laughter causing Papa Lai to retire for the night.  We have not yet made at trip to Kansas yet.  But Mama Lai did take Papa Lai to see Martina McBride at a concert last year.