Lying Daughter

I overheard Mama Lai telling one of my friends:

"I think my daughter lies to me about the food she is eating.  I think she eats chocolate and everything she takes photos of on Facebook."

Reverse Hearing

I returned from vacation and my work colleagues commented I lost weight.  Surprised since I had a great time eating out, I relayed these comments to Mama Lai who said:

"HAHAHA.  Really?  Are you sure they are not saying opposite?"

Got you in Beijing!

I was having a gloomy day at the office when I walked to the convenience stand on the ground floor of my building where you'll find me weekly buying gum and yoghurt.  Feeling rebellious and in the need for a pick-me-up I wanted to buy some custard cakes and the sales lady says to me:

"Shouldn't eat cakes.  Will make you fat!  And then what a disappointment you would be to your mother."

And I just have to know Mama Lai, how in the world did you get to my convenience store lady!!

I walked away with some healthy yoghurt instead.  

Measure of Success

Hoping to further encourage me in my recent weight-loss, Mama Lai said:

"If you could get under 140 pounds and stay there, Mommy will consider you to be successful.  No matter if you get fired from your job or lose all your friends or get kicked out of your apartment.  You will be successful in my eyes."

A Corrected Version for Why We Diet

From time to time, Mama Lai will check what I post on the blog to make sure I'm not misquoting her or jeopardizing my chances for marriage.  Mama Lai thinks sometimes I give the wrong impression or misunderstand her drive to get me to lose weight:

"You think your journey for weight loss ends when you get married?  No such thing!  This is a lifetime thing, a lifestyle thing.  Yes, you have to look good to find someone good, but you want to be healthy for the rest of your life!  There is no letting yourself go when you get married!  Besides, that is dishonest."

Dieting Visualiziation Technique

Mama Lai challenged me to take a big bite of food and then spit it out. Mama Lai said:

"Memorize what that looks like.  Nowadays, they make food too pretty.  Think about that.  That's how food looks when it gets into your stomach.  Gross yourself out."

A Pound of Tears

Under the Mama Lai diet regimen I've lost over 15 pounds.  Before I move out, Mama Lai cautioned me:

"For every pound you gain back, I will shed ten big tears.  Think about that before every bite of food you take."

Taking the Blame

The Little Prince (aka my brother) had to get dressed for an interview, but Mama Lai discovered that all of his slacks at home were too small.  Dismayed and upset, Mama Lai rushed into my room and with her hands on her hips, exclaimed:

"My whole family is too fat!  It's all your fault!  It started from you!!!"

80% Rule

When I'm at home, Mama Lai is a hawk carefully monitoring not only what I consume, but how much I consume.  She has a "ba fen bao" rule (in English it's 80% full).  This is how Mama Lai measures my 80%:

Mama Lai fills my bowl with something healthy, watches me and before I finish she will ask:

 "Are you full?" 

I will shake my head no and as I reach for another helping Mama Lai will take my food away and say:

"Perfect!  That means you're 80% full and it's time to stop eating!"

Birthday Cake

I had two birthday cakes - a strawberry shortcake a friend dropped off and a tiramisu cake Mama Lai bought for me.  Under Mama Lai's watchful eye, I was allowed to have one slice of each cake, one on my birthday, the second slice the day after.

Not even a week later, I noticed that most of the cake was gone!  The culprit?  Mama Lai, of course:

"Yes, the yummies are in my tummy.  They are both very good.  Now you know who really gets to celebrate your birthday!"

Joy of Weight-loss

After some stern scolding from my doctor, I finally decided to buckle down and adapt to a healthier lifestyle that incorporates fitness and a disciplined diet.  I've managed to lose 12 pounds and Mama Lai was overjoyed.  She took my hand in hers and Mama Lai said:

"You know every night I would think of you and your weight.  And it would make me so miserable that sometimes I could not sleep.  I am so proud of you!  Don't stop until you weigh what you weighed in high school.  And then don't gain it back, not even after you get married."

Ageism

I've been making some progress on a new diet and Mama Lai was very excited.  Mama Lai said:

"You are doing so good!  Look you only have a few years left!  When you turn 35, you might as well be 40.  It's all the same after 35."

Marriage Solves All

I was lamenting to Mama Lai that when I move I might not see some of my friends for a very long time and how much I will miss them.  Mama Lai said:

"That is life.  You move on with your life and then a year passes, then maybe two year passes.  Then many years pass and then you have not spoken to them.  Maybe you forget their name, and then you don't recognize what you look like.  And then you start to even forget the memory.  Ugh.  Getting old is a terrible thing."

Then registering my look of sadness, Mama Lai tried to console me:

"It's ok my beautiful daughter.  You will lose 20 pounds, find a good husband and lead good life." 

Birthday Gift

My birthday is next week and Mama Lai said:

"Oh it's a special day!  We can do anything you want!  What do you want to do for your birthday, my girl?"

And I brightly responded:  "Anything???"

And Mama Lai smiled and said:

"Anything that doesn't involve eating.  How about we fast for your birthday?  That will be my gift to you - no eating on your birthday!"

Then Mama Lai walked out of the room, humming a  little song and raising the roof.  

 

Bake Off

Once upon a time, I really enjoyed baking.  I would make cakes, cookies and bread from scratch.  When I went home for the holidays, I tried to convince Mama Lai to let me bake something for our extended family.  But Mama Lai didn't like the idea of me being near butter or sugar and forbade me from purchasing such goods.  I tried to convince Mama Lai that baking makes me a better prospect for marriage. Mama Lai said:

"You know what would make you even more attractive?  You don't make something delicious, but you become something delicious by losing 30 or 40 pounds."

Setting an Example

When I return home for the holidays, Mama Lai puts the Lai household on a food lockdown and exercise regimen.  In my most return home, I lost 8 lbs in 11 days.  But I'm not the only one endures the pain and receives the benefit of such restraint.  Mama Lai said:

"You know when you're not home, every Wednesday and Friday I bring home yummy things to eat.  And now I run to the store and look at my yummies and say if I brought this home, what kind of example would I set for my daughter?  You suffer and I suffer with you!   We can do this together!"

Happy Mama's Day and thanks for tuning into this blog!  Please be good to your mamas -- you owe her your life!!

My Favorite Foods

A friend and I went to visit Mama Lai and Papa Lai for a weekend.  The first night we were there, Mama Lai asked my friend what he usually likes to eat for breakfast, brainstorming the menu of items she would make for him the next morning.  When she started to leave without asking for my input, I pouted about not getting any of my favorite foods cooked for me.  Mama Lai turned around and said:

"I already know what you like to eat."

Mama Lai paused, smiled and winked at my friend:

"My daughter likes to eat very little."

Welcome Home

A three day weekend was coming up and I felt homesick so I called Mama Lai to see if I could fly home for  a quick visit.  Mama Lai thought it was a great idea if I could get the extra day off.  Then Mama Lai added:

"You would be even more welcome home if you came back skinny."

Hide and Go Seek

In anticipation of my visit home, Mama Lai wanted to know the specific time and date of my arrival.  I asked her what the deal was and Mama Lai said:

"I'm just looking to see what food I have to clear out of the refrigerator before you get home. And I have to hide the good stuff so you don't get to it."

Fattie

Mama Lai came to visit me post-graduate school and was relieved to see that I had shed quite a few pounds.  Mama Lai was quite emotional about it:

"When you came home from school you came home a fattie.  And when I saw you I thought 'who is this girl, what did you do with my beautiful daughter'?  It was as if you had eaten yourself."