City Without Yuppies

Duckie went on a recent trip to Europe for vacation and is keeping the worry monster in Mama Lai and Papa Lai at bay by sending us daily accounts of her observations in her travels.  Mama Lai's reaction to Duckie's account of Warsaw:

"If you don't go there in person I would picture Warsaw is like New York without yuppies."

Emoticon Fail

Duckie and Mama Lai were exchanging text messages:

Duckie:       hi.  maybe i should get u and daddy a hotel in the easy bay

Mama Lai:   no, we prefer  our own bed.  but, love you for your consideration!  i cant make the smiling face

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas

Mama Lai sent me and Duckie this e-mail holiday greeting and I thought I'd share it with you all.

Merry Christmas!

Florida, No Way

Mama Lai is very settled in California and has little plans to move even though two of her three children no longer live there.  Duckie recently took a trip to Florida and found the weather and the housing prices rather agreeable.  She rang Mama Lai to encourage her to looking into moving there in their retirement.  Mama Lai refused:

"Florida?  What??  With all those crocodiles or alligators running around?  Too horrible."

Duckie laughed and said that she hadn't seen one in the week or so that she was there nor have her friends who frequently hide out in Florida in the winter.  Mama Lai said:

"Yeah...right.  Well, all you have to see it is just once, and I run far, far way.  Far away to California!" 

The Little Prince and his Wicked Sisters

Mama Lai was perplexed over the Little Prince and why he has not brought a girlfriend home to seek her approval.  I pondered over what kind of girls the Little Prince might like and Mama Lai said:

"[The Little Prince] like small, cute girls who speak 'giligooloogiligooloo' that are very sweet and nice.  Basically, girls who are nothing like his two mean sisters."

Happy Birthday Duckie!

Mama Lai sends Duckie a birthday e-mail:

"Happy Birthday, my little duckling! Of course, you were not born yet at this hour. I had to suffer for a while before you decided to come out!"

Papa Lai Says "Happy Birthday"?

I was video chatting with Papa Lai and he said excitedly:

"Guess whose birthday it is this week??!"

And thinking Papa Lai had something interesting planned for Duckie's birthday, I said:  "Duckie!!  What do you have planned?"

Papa Lai paused with a look of confusion:

"Riiiiiight.  Yes it's her birthday too, but it's also someone else's birthday....it's Martina's [Mcbride]'s birthday this week too!!" 

[For non-Martina McBride fans, Martina's birthday is July 29th].

Hot Mama

I recently went shopping with Mama Lai and fell for some sparkly four-inch stilettos and some thigh high stiletto boots.  Mama Lai has a bias against my wearing heels.  But our recent shopping outing may have inspired Mama Lai because she just came home with a pair of platform sandals (with leopard print accent) that adds just about 1-inch to Mama Lai's stature.

And since she's worn flats all her life, Mama Lai marched up and down the kitchen in the her new shoes fearing that they are too tall and awkward.  Duckie encouraged her to "throw some hips into it" as a way to make high-heeled wearing a little more comfortable.

Mama Lai did just that and swung her hips and was delighted with the results.  Mama Lai turned and smiled and declared:

"Look at me!  Are you ready for hot mama?"

Happiest Place on Earth

When Duckie was three years old and I was nearly six, Mama Lai and Papa Lai took us on a trip to Disneyland Resorts in Anaheim, CA.  That was a memorable trip for both me and Duckie, but when Mama Lai recalls that family vacation, this is what she remembers:

"Yah, we spent so much money bringing whole family to Disneyland.  Then on our way out of Disneyland we stop by McDonald's and you and your sister were even happier at the playground at McDonald's.  So excited, in a better mood!  We even took picture because everyone was so happy.  We stayed at McDonald's for over 2 hours.  Why we drive so far?  We have McDonald's down the street from us!"

Papa Lai likes Quack

Papa Lai sent Duckie (my sister) and me a photo of a cute little stuffed animal duck that he bought in a gift store.  Papa Lai told us that he was gifting the adorable duck to my cousin's 10 year old daughter.  Duckie called me to rant that Papa Lai did not consider gifting her the duck since she's famously known for loving all things duck.

Papa Lai found out that Duckie was upset, and he winked at me and asked with a gleeful grin:

"How mad did I make her?  How loud did she quack?"

No ID Necessary

Mama Lai called Duckie (my younger sister) as she was dashing back to her apartment to grab her ID before a night out with friends.  Confused Mama Lai asked:

"Why you need ID?  Are you going to do something....X-rated?"

Essence of Duckie

My sister (Duckie) sent Mama Lai some photos of her first ice skating outing. The rest of us were impressed with Duckie's agility, but Mama Lai had different expectations:

"Where is the falling down pictures?  Those pictures you sent did not catch the essences of ice skating of [Duckie]."

Papa Lai and more Martina

Papa Lai misses his Duckie so when he intercepted a call and found out that Duckie may have an upcoming reunion. He tried to tantalize her into coming home with this:

"We can hit some good restaurants, eat roast duck, and listen to Martina.  Maybe throw in Elmo.  Aren't they cute together?"

The Papa Lai Interior Design Philosophy

Duckie lives out-of-state and very far away from Mama and Papa Lai.  To make us all feel included in her life, she often sends us e-mails with photos.  She recently sent us a photo of her living room where she hung some photos above her living room couch with the subject line: "My Newly Decorated Living Room."

Papa Lai looked at the photo and felt something was missing:

"How come there's no photo of me on your wall?"

Mama Lai wrote:

"Hahaha...your daddy is so silly.  We're not dead yet.  Who puts up photos of their parents when they are not dead?"

Then Papa Lai came up with an even better idea:

"How about a photo of Martina McBride??" 

Mama Lai replied:

"See?  Men are so selfish.  They think what they like everyone likes.  I think you should put up a picture of a nice duck on your wall."

Papa Lai, not to be out of done, sends us a YouTube video of Martina McBride on Sesame Street, singing with Elmo.

"You like Elmo?  He once sang a duet with Martina.  How about a picture of Elmo on your wall?"

And never once did Duckie mention that she thought she was missing anything on her wall or needed suggestions for decorating.  :)

Baby Switch

During my single digit years, I had this fantasy that I was adopted by my parents because I was part of a international secret organization's witness protection program guarding me from my underground mobster father and his ninja enemies.  As I entered into adulthood I asked Mama Lai if there was any chance I wasn't hers and Mama Lai said:

"Certainly.  When you were born there were so many other Asian families at the hospital having babies.  It was Asian baby season.  And you know...all babies kind of look the same and you have to give credit to the nurses for keeping track.  Hahahaha...maybe you aren't mine, but you're an adult now, it's kind of too late isn't it?" 

And as she marinated on this idea that her children might not be her own, she confirmed that my sister Duckie was certainly a 'Lai':

"There was only one other mother in the hospital having a baby when your sister was born.  And she was white and she had a son she named 'Rocky'".

Who Will Marry the Little Prince?

The sibling rivalry between me and Duckie has always been very intense and it was no different this holiday when we were both home this Christmas.  During one of our spats, as our good natured banter escalated into physical intrusions, Mama Lai sought to break us up with this:

"How will your brother find a wife?  What girl will he find that will want to marry into this family once he finds out he has two very weird sisters?!"

And Duckie and I made peace right away at the sobering and somewhat comforting thought that Mama Lai  may have given up on the possibility of us finding husbands and turned her focus on our youngest.   Good luck Little Prince!

Fight! Fight!

Before I returned home for the holidays, Mama Lai was complaining to me about how life gets really boring when you get old.  She was really excited that her three ducklings would be home to spice things up.

Due to space restrictions and a scarcity of beds, it was assumed that my sister, Duckie, would get to sleep in her very comfortable and fairly new bed with a memory foam mattress which was being stored in one of Mama Lai's bedrooms.  My brother, the Little Prince, would be relegated to the couch in the living room.  The Little Prince arrived home earlier than Duckie and had a chance to sleep in her bed for a few days before she made claim to it and declared to Mama Lai that Duckie's bed "may be worth a fight."

Mama Lai got really excited, did a Mama Lai "fist pump" and squealed:

"Yes! Yes!  Definitely worth a fight!  I want to see you try to fight your sister for the bed. That's Round 1.  Round 2, my two daughters!  That would be really interesting.  Life always has more action when my three kids are home.  Fight! Fight!"

Empty Nest Syndrome?

This year I flew to the East Coast to spend Thanksgiving with my sister.  A friend asked me whether Mama Lai would be sad that her two daughters wouldn't be spending the holiday with her.  I decided to put that question to Mama Lai and she said:

"I feel like this is trick question.  I'm not sad at all...your brother is coming home!  I'm so excited."

 (to my friend:  Told you!)

And just in case she didn't understand the question I asked her again whether she felt like it would be better if all of her kids were home for Thanksgiving, Mama Lai said:

"I get to see all three of you at Christmas.  So much work taking care of all of you.  I hope you guys don't make a mess in my house."

 

Gentle as a Dove

Duckie and I related a story to Mama Lai how someone told us that if he had to choose between setting his girlfriend on fire and saving the world, he would set his girlfriend on fire.  Mama Lai said that if she were asked to make the same choice:

"I would set Papa Lai on fire for one of those Japanese mochi balls."

 Oh Papa Lai, your Mama Lai is so gentle, gentle as a dove.

Duckie feigned shocked and Mama Lai p'shawed her and said:

"Don't talk.  You would set a boyfriend on fire for a candy bar."

Before Inviting One of Mama Lai's Ducklings on Vacation...

My sister (aka Duckie) was once invited by a friend to join a group trip to Thailand. Mama Lai was disapproving, feeling that Thailand was dangerous and she didn't know enough about my sister's friends.  Right before the trip happened, she asked for my sister’s friend’s emergency contact information.  Hoping that would let Mama Lai’s mind rest easy, my sister sent the information over.  After receiving the information she called my sister and said

"If you don’t come back in 10 days I will hunt down your friend’s best friend, your friend’s family and kill them.  And then I will find his relatives and kill each of them too."

My sister got a cell phone in Thailand when she landed and made sure to call Mama Lai every single day that she was there.