How to Find a Good Husband

Mama Lai told me that finding a good husband was more important than having a good career.  I pondered out loud:  "How do I find a good husband?".  And Mama Lai had this answer for me:

"You lose weight.  And a good husband will come find you."

Marriage Prospects

When I was first making plans to move to China after graduation, Mama Lai and Papa Lai were not thrilled.   There were many intense discussions about my plans and future.  In the middle of a heated argument, Mama Lai challenged me:

"Who will marry you in China?  You are independent American girl.  Chinese boys are different from American boys.  They will not accept that."

And I retorted:

"Who will marry me here???!"   

This gave Mama Lai a moment to pause and then she conceded (sort of):

"Very good point.  No one will marry you until you lose weight.  Now listen to your mommy and start taking better care of yourself." 

You are What You Eat

Mama Lai logged onto Facebook and saw something on my Wall that she didn't like:

"I see that  you're going with your friend to...eat Korean BBQ.  GIRLS ON DIETS DON'T EAT KOREAN BBQ!!!"

Taking my silence as disagreement:

"Fine don't listen to me.  But you might as well drive to the supermarket right now and buy a few flanks of steak and glue it on your tummy because that's what will happen to you if you go eat Korean BBQ." 

Papa Lai Wants to Adopt

Papa Lai sent his ducklings this video of a laughing baby:

"This baby is so cute. I want to adopt him.  His laugh chases away all the dark clouds and gloom."

And Duckie responded:

"I laugh, isn't that enough?" 

Beware of Cookies

I told Mama Lai that a friend was very sweet to me and bought me a pack of cookies.  Mama Lai said:

"That girl is not your friend."

Confused, I asked "What do you mean?  You haven't even met her!"

"I don't need to meet her.  You don't need to eat cookies.  She is not looking out for you.  Trust me.  I am your mother.  If she is feeding you cookies, she doesn't have your best interest at heart." 

Saving Money

My cousin who immigrated from China sought Papa Lai's advice on some ways to save money.  To Mama Lai's horror, she overheard Papa Lai telling my cousin how he saves money on dental floss:

"You can use dental floss more than once by washing it and then hanging it to dry on the towel rack."

My Future Doesn't Hold Cats

Mama Lai hasn't always agreed with the choices I've made in my life and expresses her concern at every turn:

"I worry that you chose a very hard path that is very risky.  Maybe you will be very poor. With no money.  You will be in poor health. And that you will have regrets.  And you will be alone..."

And I joked "are you afraid that I will be a spinster on welfare living with a bunch of cats?"

"That's silly.  You're allergic to cats.  I'm being serious.  Why would you want to live with cats?"